THE OFFENCE (1973 – Sydney Lumet)

I watched this film again recently to see if it was as good as its reputation and my memory of it suggest. While there is a lot to admire – Connery’s post-Bond acting and Ian Bannen’s superb performance as the child molester Baxter very much included – I think there the film could be much improved.

In my humble oppinion, the film's principal issue is that it tries to be police-gritty realistic, then contradicts that effort by turning into filmed material better suited to a stage play.

The conversations between DS Johnson (Connery) and Baxter, and Johnson and Cartright (an explosive Trevor Howard), feel contrived and unrealistic. Flashbacks to Johnson’s trauma (a horrific earlier crime) also derail the current storyline, and the film’s narrative focus. These issues are easy to fix.  

How I would make THE OFFENCE better

If I was hired to rewrite the screenplay I would start the script (a notional 1st Act) with Johnson coming to the scene of the crime that haunts him in the film. It would play out like a police procedural. We would then experience the impact its horror has on Johnson when he goes home to his wife, and their difficult marriage suffers even more from Johnson’s trauma. He’s screwed up and burnt out.

Soon after this (so Johnson's psychological wounds are fresh) the girl is now abducted and raped. On the crumbling edge, Johnson leads the team going after the perp. They crack the case and find him, Baxter (Ian Bannen) – or think they do. The 3rd act focusses on Johnson questioning Baxter and ultimately killing him because he’s out of control. Because we’ve experienced the earlier crime and its effect on Johnson, we can feel why he might lose control and kill Baxter. His rage for justice boils over.

DS Johnson has turned himself into a criminal by killing Baxter. He has destroyed himself. He is stripped of his warrant card and incarcerated at the station. His life is broken. So is he. But he escapes custody and makes a bid from freedom. We might leave him boarding a plane to a cold, northern destination that mirrors his desolation. But we have found out by now that he has always been (since childhood) a wilderness survivor, and so we feel he may have a chance to survive.

Before he escapes, he realises that Baxter was innocent.

That’s it. There is no need for flashbacks in my rewrite. A smart, realistic tone in established early in the film and maintained. A linear screenplay narrative pulls us into Johnson’s brutal world. We can feel his pain, and sense why he breaks down violently. We give him a chance to survive at the end because he is the central character (and played by Connery, who’s portfolio makes that a better fit).

I can apply the same screenwriting rationale as I have applied hypothetically to THE OFFENCE to your screenplay. I can thus help you develop your film script and give you a better chance of packaging it with a view to raising film finance. This will give the film of your screenplay a better chance of success.

Happy screenwriting.